Really?
Yeah, I went up a few times, a few times.
That must have been hard for you in state that you were in, of grieving.
It is, it was very hard. You just, I tried putting it back to my mind, and I think that’s what helped as well, that they, you know, I had something to focus on. I’ll be honest with you now, I didn’t grieve for a year, because of everything that was going on with like the lawyers and INQUEST, I didn’t, I put my grieving aside, I wanted justice for my child. So basically I didn’t really start grieving till after all that had gone on. Yeah. That’s the truth, that’s what I had…
It's hard, isn’t it?
It is hard. Specially when you’re going through something like that, you know, it is hard to grieve because you need to focus on trying to get justice for your child, and then you think, what do I do? You can’t balance it. So I thought I’m going to put my grieving aside and just focus, and then I’ll grieve afterwards, which is what I did.
And it kind of makes you a bit numb, because you can’t let your feelings out because you’ve got to keep focused on what you’re doing for justice.
You walk round like a robot. I was in a robot mode for about a year and a half. I was thinking, what, I don’t…. It was weird, it was just like, I felt cold as well, I felt really sort of like I had no, I don’t know cold-heartedness come across me, because I had to concentrate and nothing else mattered. It was just getting that done, you know. And people would say, well, you’re not grieving at all. Well, hello, what do you want me to do, grieve… what, you know. I can’t do everything all at once, I have to concentrate on one thing. That was the one I had to concentrate on, was getting justice for him.
